The Self-Awareness Gap: What No One Tells You About Leadership

by Christine N. Lee

I still remember the confusion amidst the celebration. I was debating between two great job offers right out of college and felt completely lost about which one to take. I asked a number of people for advice, but the answers weren’t as helpful as they should have been - largely because I complicated things. “Do what you like,” they said. But what if different aspects of both jobs appealed to me? “This company is more prestigious.” The contrarian in me wanted to prove that prestige wasn’t everything.

In hindsight, my biggest issue was this: I didn’t know myself well enough to know which job would be a better fit. I ignored my gut leaning toward one because of fear - what if I wasn’t outgoing enough to be a strategy consultant and people drained me? So instead, I took the hard to come by investment analyst role on the buyside, affirmed by others to be the more “unique” choice with stronger upside for future MBA applications - how short-sighted could I be? I spoke with people in this field who loved their jobs and preferred them over consulting. I convinced myself this was the rare gem I was looking for.

It wasn’t until later that I learned how deeply numbers drained me - and that while I enjoyed the intensity of New York and Wall Street equity research in my second role,

what I truly loved was maximizing people, not profits. That realization shaped the unfolding of my journey into higher education, career counseling, advisory and coaching work in multiple industries. It has been a lifelong process of knowing myself well - so that I can lead well.

Shaped by our upbringing and experiences, we each carry different levels of emotional maturity and self-awareness. And without knowing ourselves well, no amount of opportunities, mentors, or sponsors can truly make up for that gap. People often offer advice through their own frameworks of success, yet even the most abundant practical wisdom cannot compensate for our blind spots and fears. Those fears hold us back from fully leaning into our strengths and leading ourselves - and others - well. Truly leading begins with knowing ourselves, and that starts with acknowledging a simple truth: it is our responsibility, and ours alone, cultivate self-awareness and intentionality. No one else can do this for us.

You can advance far in your career before hitting a roadblock - unpleasant, yes, but often a golden opportunity in disguise. What holds us back is rarely true prohibition; more often, it’s internal inhibition. Our fears and blind spots are usually the real culprits. When we take the time to understand them, we free ourselves to fully develop our strengths, unhindered. Yes, your hard work and natural talents have brought you this far, and you may even have “gotten away with” not knowing yourself very well. But ignoring your fears and blind spots will inevitably limit your future growth.

Mentors and sponsors can’t help you if you don’t know who you are and where you’re going. And they may not have extensive time to invest in you, so managing your expectations matters too - your mentors are not your saviors.

What they can do, however, is come alongside you as you invest in building out a leadership “workout regimen” - one that identifies which areas of leadership you specifically need to develop for your unique leadership Voice. Ultimately, it is your responsibility and choice to pursue this journey of growing self-awareness that fuels your communication and leadership. Sponsors can enable your growth - but you must choose it.

Being a leader and pursuing success doesn’t mean recreating someone else’s success or chasing another person’s shadow. If you’ve had bosses you don’t want to emulate - then don’t. Lead the way you’re wired. But do lead. When you step up, everyone around you benefits. As you lean into your strengths, you contribute more - and you inspire others to step up too.

So what’s holding you back? There may be many reasons why people hesitate to lead.

If you’re unsure whether you have what it takes, unclear on how you would lead, or convinced that managing people is not your cup of tea - then you’ve come to the right place. The Leaders Thrive Training helps you better understand your strengths and unleashes your leadership, because leading from your strengths while being mindful of your blindspots is the most powerful and authentic way to lead. You bring value out of what you value.

Yes - you can lead and manage people even if it starts with simply maximizing your own work. If, for example, you value precision, engineering excellence, or analytical rigor, then lead with that. But also face how that same strength might sometimes undermine your leadership. Self-awareness unlocks growth, and having the courage to face the music is the ultimate key.

Or maybe you hesitate because you love to win, and you don’t want to step into a game you’re not equipped to win. If that’s you, Leaders Thrive will give you a vision for leadership that equips you with tools and insight into the other Voices around you - so you can motivate and lead them successfully rather than going in blind or doing it alone. We’ve got your back, and we’re here to help ensure that you win.

Or for those of you who are idea-driven and would rather not work with people at all - consider this your opportunity to bring your ideas fully to life. Leadership allows you to multiply your vision through others. Instead of going it alone, you gain partners who help implement your ideas, challenge them, and ultimately make them better. That’s what you want, isn’t it? To solve the impossible problem. To change the world - at least in your small corner of the world. And when you lead, you enlarge that corner.

Lastly, you may prefer to follow rather than lead, simply focusing on caring for the people around you. If that’s the case, you are precisely the kind of leader any organization would be fortunate to have - because your care matters. And equipping yourself well for leadership is the most powerful way to serve those you lead.

Bottom line for all leaders no matter your style: Leading well is a gift to everyone around you. And despite what you may think, there is a way to unlock your leadership potential that is perfectly fitted to who you are.

Yes, you can absolutely invest in yourself now, pre-empt future road blocks and maximize your opportunities. Taking the first step into your next level of leadership may be the best gift you give yourself - knowing yourself deeply, unlocking your leadership potential, and building success from the inside out. Consider this your invitation - join Leaders Thrive.